I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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