pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
