At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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