TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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