did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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