dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
