Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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