Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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