'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
