She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this just has baby written all over it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
