Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
