I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
