Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
