can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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