I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
