didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
