No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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