I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
