we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
