I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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