Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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