Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
pop tarts are not kleenex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
