It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
