He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
