i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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