I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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