people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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