I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
