her vagine was all disorganized.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
