4 words: hood of his car
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
