Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
