Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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