Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
