This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
