dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
