Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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