the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
