I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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