Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
