are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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