I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
