my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
