i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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