Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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