There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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