tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
