Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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