Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
