Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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