You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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