he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
