Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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