I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
