i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
