Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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