Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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