It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
