Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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