first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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