so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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