just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
