you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
