a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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