Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's like iHOP with fire
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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